Have You Told Your Children They Are Not Good Enough?

I do a lot of thinking in two places of my house...in the shower and at the sink. Sometimes it's just me and my thoughts but many times The Lord meets me here. Today he brought to my mind two trips to Target and two different mothers. Both times my children and I were walking along and both mothers had a child with them that was just falling apart at the seams. I smile at both mothers and try to say 'I understand' with my eyes. We've all had bad days and it doesn't help when you have an audience. Both times the mothers looked at me and my children and looked at their own and said something so painful I'll never forget their words, "Look at them! They are acting so well! Don't you want to be like them?!"

My heart breaks at these words. Do these mothers not understand what they just told their children? Do they have any clue how deep that wound will go? They just told their precious child 'You are not good enough.' Does Jesus do that to us? Does he compare us to each other? Does he frown and shake his head that we have not lived up to the standard of the Christian next door? No. He does not put us down he lifts us up. We know we are not worthy of his love and discipline. Does he want us to live in shame of it though? No. He wants us to live in Freedom. 

These children were not failing their mothers. These mothers were failing their children. As I look back I wonder what these mothers would have said if I walked up to them and told them, "You are not as pretty as the woman in aisle 3. Don't you want to be like her ?"

Wouldn't this be equally painful?  Wouldn't this eat her up inside? Even if her soul dismissed the statement, would her spirit ever forget? I think not.

Take heart mothers. Do not fail your children.

Do More Than Survive Summer

Schooooooooools out for summer! Don't lie you know the song popped right into your head when you read that {smile}. I hear so many parents at the end of summer say, 'I can't wait til school is back in! My kids are driving me crazy!'. I hear ya! But! I believe the key to a joy and peace filled summer is...A Plan. I think a lot of parents just figure their kids want to veg out all summer. Trust me I'm sure they will last about a week or two but then they need stimulation! And I don't mean TV, video games or even playdates. If your children are in a private, public school, or educated at home they are used to schedules and constant transitions. Being at home without these can make them unmanageable, cranky, and racing away from home to friend's houses.

Take the summer to reconnect with your children. They have just the spent the majority of  9 months away from their home base.  We are striving to win our children's hearts to the Lord but first we must win their hearts to ours. Don't push them out of your home and schedule five days a week away from their respite place. Read this article about being the 'Door Opener' and start winning your children's hearts!

This is my plan...

Most nights I jot down a plan for the next day. For example the first day of our summer I wanted to get some cleaning done but of course I need to remember my children come first so this was my plan that day...

Breakfast

Bible with children

Clean bathrooms (they help with this- cleaning baseboards and cabinets) 

Play shoots and ladders

Laundry

Stamps with the children

Wash dishes 

3-D Pirate book and 3D Dino Book

Of course this includes Quiet Time, lunch, and snacks so this was a full day for me but the children were happy all day because they were not pushed aside or forgotten.

Here's our Summer Adventure List:

Trip to the doughnut shop

Trip to the cookie shop

Trip to the ice cream shop

Local Zoo

Visit Spray Parks

Make Smores

Visit Barnes and Noble- they love to browse the kids area

Make peanut butter balls

Make homemade paint 

Out of town Zoo

Craft Mondays

Throw an Un-Birthday Party

Build Fort

Camping

Fishing

Feed the ducks

Visit Insect Lore

Ride Bus

Ride the train

Summer $1 Movies

Beach Trip

Make a Bible Trivia Game

I'm sure we will add a few more here and there. We hardly visit the doughnut, cookie, and ice cream shop because we usually make these at home so it's a big deal for my children when we do visit them {smile} It's not about what exactly you do or how much you spend it's about building memories and trust together.

I also have my own Project List:

Paint mirror

Repaint black table

Paint coop

Extend chicken run

Come up to date on kids' scrapbooks

Make Miss Adventure's dress

Work on school schedule for next year

Then there's one last thing that is SUPER important...re-training in areas that need it. A few months ago we made a list of house rules. We were all very good at keeping to those rules but just like anything practice makes perfect and we need to  re-train (practice) what is expected. 

These are our rules at the moment:

1. Obey right away. 

* This is one we train for every few months as we can become slack after a while. Children push a little here and there and parents expect less and less little by little.

2. Do not get out of Quiet Time. Do not ask to get out of Quiet Time. 

*  The children have an hour and a half of Quiet time every day. Miss Adventure sleeps and Little Explorer plays for half and lays down for half. The talking and coming out of Quiet Time was become excessive and less and less Quiet for any of us.

3. No talking while brushing teeth.

* This task should take 5 minutes but with the talking and whining was taking 15 minutes! And leaving mommy and daddy very frustrated and tired.

4. Bed Time: No yelling. No getting out of bed. 

* The children share a room so this can get out of hand. Bedtime would start at 8 and take 1 hour to fall asleep.

5. Do not ask for something more than once.

* This drives me crazy plain and simple.

6. No potty talk.

* No explanation need right?

This week I choose #2 and #4 to re-train. Every time they obeyed the rules they got a treat (2 PEZ candies). Every time they disobeyed they missed out on their treat which was a sad sight from Miss Adventure by the way. Starting tomorrow we will move on to another rule. Now that they have been reminded and have had time to practice #2 and #4 they will receive discipline for disobeying. House rules may make some of you cringe but children need to know what is expected of them and each parent needs to know what is expected so one is not a softy and taken for a ride{like my husband...grin}.

Happy Summer!!  

Happy Birthday Miss Adventure!

Oh sweetie, how I love you.

Three years ago we welcomed a beautiful little girl into our family.

Your birth was fantastic.

You arrived on your due date.

 You grined at me when you were put in my arms.

You nursed all day and cried all night.

 We love your bright eyes.

You weaned yourself at 18 months.

You potty trained yourself at 2 1/2.

You are quirky, adventures, and my mini me.

 You have bought so much laughter and joy in our home.

 I'm so thankful for the dynamic you haved added to our family.

Happy Birthday My Love

Finding Joy In Your Father's House

I came across this book in The Vision Forum Catalog....

By age fourteen, Jasmine Baucham’s little-girl dreams of becoming a mommy were supplanted by bigger visions of winning the Pulitzer Prize or an Oscar and appearing on Oprah. She began viewing the calling of home and marriage as second-rate. Then her world was radically challenged by the Scriptures, as she went from craving personal renown to craving to please the Lord through delighting in his design for the joyful home — an even bigger dream, she realized, than stardom.

In Joyfully at Home, Jasmine writes with verve and transparency about her own struggles and triumphs as a young woman, encouraging other girls to embrace a vision for the home as a hub of ministry and discipleship and as a training ground for life ahead. With humor, humility, and heart, Jasmine tackles the tough questions girls face, offering practical counsel on how to overcome false views of marriage, husbands, and singleness.

I want to encourage young women . . . to be enthusiastic and vibrant, purposeful and driven, meticulous and passionately focused in pursuit of the Lord's will for their time at home. —Jasmine Baucham

Why do single young women choose to stay at home? Can they be fulfilled and content under their father's roof? What do they do with their time? Jasmine Baucham has written a winsome, compelling, and hard-hitting book which will encourage and inspire all the women in your home! Joyfully at Home will challenge your thinking and help you honestly answer the really tough questions. —Beall Phillips


After reading this I sat back and thought...whoa.

My mom remarried while I was in high school. She had a new marriage, a full time job, and 3 younger children. She may not have intentionally pushed me out but I felt like I didn't have a place at home. So I left and got my first apartment a week before I graduated. I came to the Lord shortly after that and moved back home. Met a boy, fell in love, moved out, and married him 6 months after meeting him. I can look back and say...Yeah, I was seeking a home. I needed to feel needed. To be a part of something. And thankfully God brought me my husband.

Before I read about this book I've said the following...
My kids will work at 16.
My kids will leave the house soon after they graduate.
We won't push them to go to college but they have to do something.

I brought this up to a friend of mine. She was home schooled, her family loves the Lord, and she's still at home. I told her about this book and that I'd never even thought this was an option in a family. I ask her,'Were you guys encouraged to stay home until marriage?' And this is what they were taught...

Pursue your passions.
Seek God always.

They weren't told they had to leave, or to go to school, or to find a job. Pursue your passions. Seek God always. Go from there...that's it.

That's all there is isn't there? In life I mean. Doesn't God give you the desires of your heart? The desires of His heart for you? Should we lean not on our own understanding??

How is this not obvious? How is this not what we are teaching our children?? Guess what...

We will not push our children out.
They will always have a place in our home...until they marry of course :)
We will give them the tools to pursue their passions.
We will encourage them to seek God always.

Thank you ST your family has inspired me in more ways than one.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

A bit late, I know.

Can I just say I love new beginnings. Being able to look at the past and see how far we've come as a family, as friends, and in our journey with the Lord. Two years ago the Lord spoke to me about relationships...some that I had to cut off, some I had to take a few steps back from, and a couple I had to work on. It was a good training for me and I have to remind myself of that training often. Last year He spoke to me about being different. This training will carry into 2011 as well for we have much to learn in this area. He showed us that our calling as a family is different even paired up next most christian families. This has been hard at times...some days we just want to be the same but of course we want to do what we have been made to do so that feeling quickly passes {Grin}. This year I think My Father will be talking to me about time...

The two weeks before Christmas the kids were driving me crazy. There was disobedience all over the place. Which means I was spending most of my day correcting and re-training...and exhausted by 8pm. After all that I was seeing NO RESULTS! Which is weird for my kids. So I'm talking to the Lord one day and say 'Ok. They are doing this and I'm doing this over and over and over again. I'm getting no where. What's going on?' And as plain as day I hear...'Time. You're not spending time with them.'

So four days of putting them back in their number 2 priority slot (where they should have been that two weeks) and TaDa! My real kids are back.

Moving on...

We have some traditions for Christmas....we:
1. Cruised neighborhoods looking at lights
2. Baked cookies for our neighbors
3. Unwrapped our nativity scene one day at a time (two pieces at a time)
4. Made cupcakes for Jesus' Bday
5. Decorated the tree with only white lights, a home made paper garland, and 4 homemade ornaments (I really wanted to keep it simple this year)
6. Little Astronaut and I made a new star for the top of our tree with some yellow felt and lots of glitter
7. We hung up a stocking for Jesus and wrote him letters and drew him pictures for his bday
8. Bought two main gifts for the kids...one from us and one from Jesus. (and stocking stuffers)
    We don't buy a lot of gifts for Christmas because we want to keep it about Jesus. Some people think  that's weird but I just tell them that we can (and do) buy our kids stuff anytime of the year but Christmas is really not about them.

Next year I want to:
1. Write letters to our friends to remind them how special they are to us
2. Have our nativity on our dining table and each night move the wise men around the house as they follow the star to baby Jesus

What did you do this year? Anything you want to do next year?

When I Was young in the Mountains

I found this book at Goodwill Books a few months ago and I love it. It's like a summation of The Little House on the Prairie in way. It's simplicity speaks to me...calls to me...waits for me to respond.

Each page begins with... when I was young in the mountains and she talks of everyday life living in the mountains with her grandparents. Her grandfather coming home from the coal mine covered with black dust. Swimming in a dark and muddy swimming hole. Pumping water for their baths and warming up by the wood stove while her grandmother heats up cocoa. Church at the schoolhouse and walking through the cow pasture to the swimming hole for baptisms. These are my favorite pages...

When I was young in the mountains, Grandmother spread the table with hot corn bread, pinto beans, and fried okra.

On our way home, we stopped at Mr. Crawford's for a mound of white butter. Mr. Crawford and Mrs. Crawford looked alike and always smelled of sweet milk.

When I was young in the mountains, we sat on the porch swing in the evenings, and Grandfather sharpened my pencils with his pocket knife. Grandmother sometimes shelled beans and sometimes braided my hair.  the dogs lay around us, and the stars sparkled in the sky. A bobwhite whistled in the forest.

When I was young in the mountains, I never wanted to go to the ocean, and I never wanted to go to the desert. I never wanted to go anywhere else in the world, for I was in the mountains. And that was always enough.





This is the last page and whispers contentment, joy, and peace. No fancy dinners, no TV in the evening, and no rushing to soccer practice and dance. Family, spending time, and doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. I admire this book. You may not get it or like it but I do {Grin}

Baby Steps...

We do not have cable. I know, kindda crazy. I would REALLY like no tv period....but that's not going to happen :)  So...I'm over it. 

Christmas 2008 I received The Duggars: 20 and Counting! book. First I'll say it's such an inspiring read whether you have 2 children or 20. Anyways, this is what's on page 30...

'Dr.Wheat (family physician and author) counseled us and encouraged us not to have a TV and not to have any pets during the first year of marriage. He said those things would distract us from each other....After the end of that first year,we got a pet rabbit and a television. We had the cable service hooked up and were instantly glued to the television during every waking moment at home. But the more we watched, the more we realized how bad some of the TV programming was, and we also saw our communication drop off.' (They now only watch educational videos, special events, and sometimes a Razorbacks game.)

Reading this was such a confirmation in what I had been feeling for the last few years but couldn't put into words. I didn't think my husband would be up for it (for sports mostly) but I told The Lord this is what I was feeling and wanted for our family and low and behold when I mentioned it to him he said...'Well, we spend like $60  a month on cable right? We would be saving some money. Long Pause Yeah, lets try it out. We can always turn it back on.' I think I canceled it that next day just in case he changed his mind!

So here we are a year and a half later without cable and we love it. Unknowingly at the moment this was our first step in simplifying our lives. We have Netflix and enjoy it so don't think we don't watch ANYTHING. We just watch things we want to. Here are some other reasons I was concerned about having cable in the home:

- We get to monitor closely what we all watch and no commercials telling us what we "need"
- We don't do Halloween, Santa Clause, or the Easter bunny and the preschool shows my kids watch of   course had these themes for weeks (we did a lot of renting during those seasons)
- My husband and myself don't have to watch all the sex-hyped movie/show previews
- MY kids aren't concerned with the latest toys, cereal, juice, theme parks, etc. We go places of course. Just not because Mickey Mouse or Shamu told us too :)

So! I dare you...no double dare you! Turn off your cable for 3 months, start connecting with your spouse and children. Two things will happen: You may find out you really like the people you live with. OR That you don't know them at all and what a great opportunity to do something about it.